Welcome to muggy Michigan

My summer is winding to an end, and now I'm getting ready for my next adventure.  I got to Michigan last night to see friends and hang out before GUATEMALA, which is happening in just over a week.  It has been so nice to be back in Michigan.  My dear friends Erin and Peter picked me up from the airport and it was great to see them, and I visited my roommate in the apartment I'll be living in when I return from Guat (she's moved in already).  Coming back to school and going into my dorm, the science building, and the music building is wonderful because it's truly returning home.  So many awesome memories were had here.

It's been quite the weather shock coming from Cannon Beach to Michigan.  I walked out of the airport in Lansing at 9pm to be met with humidity so thick that my skin immediately felt damp, and it was still quite warm.  All my friends who've been here all summer have had quite enough of the hot humidity, but I really appreciate it.  Cannon beach has pretty mild weather, and we had plenty of sun this summer but most of the time it was at least a little overcast and 65 degrees.  With no shortage of rain.  I don't like super hot weather, but it sure feels nice for a few days.

I think I've blabbered enough about the weather, so I'm going to move on and (drumroll please) post some pictures for the first time ever!!!  This is crazy, guys.  Except don't get too excited because recently my philosophy on photo-taking is to just live life and hope others digitally capture it for me haha.  But I do have a few photos to share.  I took most of them (well, they were taken on my camera) but a few were borrowed from friends.

This is the wonderful Midkids staff that I spent my summer with, minus one member...
You may think this picture is awkward because we're all squished onto one small bench, but it happens to be the only picture of the (almost) whole staff that I could find, and for the record we were doing a photo scavenger hunt and the goal for this particular shot was to take a photo that worked with the caption "I can't believe we all fit in there!"

This is the sweet Sarah (who hadn't arrived in time for the other picture) who was the final addition and missing piece in Midkids.  She's awesome with the kids and I'm so glad she was on the team.  We became good friends and it was a joy to work with her and get to know her.

This is one of my roommates and my dear Panamanian sister, Masai.  She is absolutely adorable and filled with the joy of the Lord, and she has a powerful singing voice to boot.

I took the international staff home with me for 24 hours and this is our haul from an afternoon of picking peaches, apples, and blackberries (and some delicious orange cherry tomatoes).

This is us at our second farm of the day.  L to R: Esteban, Dayra (another sweet roommate of mine), Giancarlo, me, Masai, Emily (my sister), and Cassandra (a friend from school and adopted sister this summer).

My family came out to the beach and we had a scrumptious picnic feast at Ecola State Park.

This is Cannon Beach.  It sure was great to live in such a beautiful place.  The round-ish rock in the water behind the three others is the famous Haystack Rock.

 More photos to come soon--especially once I'm in the Land of Eternal Spring--the beautiful Guatemala.  Also, I found out the other day that Antigua, where I'm living, is sometimes known as Panza Verde, or Green belly, because they eat so many avocados.  AH. YUM.

Thankful

Today I am thankful.

Last night I decided to start using my crutches because now I'm on a time crunch.  I go to Michigan in 9 days, and Guatemala in less than 3 weeks (what!?), so I need to be better.  My leg isn't really hurting much, but I want to speed up the healing process however I can.  All that to say, today seems like a weird day to feel super thankful.  Crutches are not exactly fun--they are awkward and hard work.  Ironically, my arms, ribs, and right leg hurt more than my injured shin as I walked around. haha.  But as I walked to dinner, I found myself overcome with thankfulness.  Thankful that dinner was in the main dining room, which is a shorter walk than where we normally have staff dinner.  Thankful that I was getting exercise using the crutches, something I haven't been able to do in about six weeks because of my leg.  Thankful that my leg is feeling better after using the crutches all day!  Thankful for our awesome group of MidKids this week, including a real sweetheart from the beginning of the summer who unexpectedly showed up on the first night.  Thankful for my years of piano lessons and the ability to play.  Thankful for my incredible family.  Thankful for the amazing relationships I've developed here over the summer, and the encouragement I've received and hopefully given.  Thankful for the ways God has changed me and taught me.  Thankful for the opportunities God has given me and the doors He keeps opening in my life.

I have been so blessed here.  I am so glad that God brought me to Cannon Beach this summer.  I can't believe that I only have a few days left until I'm off to my next adventure.  There will be a lot of sad goodbyes on Friday when I go, but it is bittersweet.  Summer staff is not a huge group, and we have shared the past few months of life with each other, playing with and teaching kids, developing friendships, and growing closer to God.  I can't stay here forever, but I have made friends and built relationships that will last a long time.  I don't want to leave, but at the same time I am ready for Guatemala and the lessons and joys it will bring.  I can't wait to meet my host family, who I found out a few days ago is a young couple with three little kids!  I'm going to have little Guatemalan siblings!!

God is so good to me.  He is worthy of all my praise.

I will sing of the Lord's great love forever; with my mouth I will make Your faithfulness known through all generations.

Lame--but chosen

First of all, let me just proclaim my great joy for the rainy weather that is present outside.  I absolutely love the grey rainy sky and the fresh smell in the air.  It is fun to play in, but most of all it conjures up the coziest of feelings when looking at it from under a roof or through a window.  I like all the seasons because I like change and variety, but fall is my favorite.  It's only mid-August, but I am so thankful for this weather right now because when I am adventuring in Central America I will also be missing the autumn season altogether.  So needless to say, I am very happy for every bit of fall I can get right now :)

Now, onto the title of my post.  Lame has been a common word in the vocabulary of my life recently because of my leg.  I guess I haven't mentioned it in a post yet, but to sum it up, my shin has been bothering me for 5 or 6 weeks now and the doctor said it was a stress reaction, which is pre-stress fracture, and if I wasn't careful it could turn into a fracture.  My leg goes through phases of hurting (more annoying pain than painful pain) and being fine, and it's confusing because often there's nothing in particular that aggravates it, other than the obvious like running or jumping.  Anyway, it's been a source of frustration several times because it limits what I can do with the kids and in general, and I'm concerned that it won't be better by the time I go to Guatemala.  One day during age group staff meeting I was talking about how I felt so lame because of my dumb "pre-injured" leg and we realized that I literally was lame, which thus became the running joke.

The other reason lame relates to my life is because of an emotion that has been plaguing me a little too frequently as of late: guilt.  I'm going to be perfectly honest here.  Spending time with God is something that I love to do, and it's really important to me and to Him, but I have a difficult time making it my first priority so that we actually get time alone together.  I want it to truly be the most important thing in my life but it's obviously not--if it was, quiet time with Him would happen a lot more often and a lot more regularly.  True belief is demonstrated by action.  Because I want so badly to spend more time alone with God, when I slack off and make Him wait around, by the time I do make time I feel so guilty that I can hardly focus on Him.  The guilt makes me feel so lame but I can't help it--I hate how hard it is to make Jesus my number one priority.  That guilt kept surfacing and I didn't know what to do about it.  I thought maybe it would be good because it could motivate me to spend more time with God, but ultimately that's not what happened.  But it's not God who's trying to guilt-trip me.  Satan is attacking me where I struggle--that's what he does best.  He sneaks those thoughts into my head: procrastinate. hang out with friends. watch youtube instead. And then when I finally do sit down with God: you are not a very devoted Christian. it's been 5 days since you've journaled--what is wrong with you?  you're not doing enough.

I know that God's love for me is unconditional.  Without conditions.  He's sad when I don't make time for Him, and He misses me when I spend time with my friends instead.  But He doesn't love me any less.  I've been reading Romans 8 recently and the chapter starts out "Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death."  No condemnation.  No guilt.  Jesus does not love me because of my attempts at faithfulness or devotion.

He loves me because He created me, a imperfect sinner.

He chose me to be His child (Ephesians 1:4-5).  God gave us His perfect, sinless son Jesus, who died for my sins (Romans 5:8) and His sacrifice liberated me from my bondage to sin.  I am free because I have the Holy Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom (1 Corinthians 3:17).  God wants me.  He thinks about me and He knows what I need.

He is my provider, my counselor, and my protector.  He gives me life.

Those are the things that should inspire me to give Him my time.  Guilt is from Satan.  God gives me love and unfailing faithfulness and strength to fight the devil's influence.  Romans 16:19 says that the God of peace will crush Satan underneath my feet.  Nothing else can provide the incredible gifts that come from God.  Of course He disciplines and judges when needed, but He just wants me to give Him my time.

Psalm 116:12 says: "How can I repay the Lord for all his goodness to me?"
I need to respond to His faithfulness with faithfulness of my own.