Frustration and thankfulness

--This is a post I wrote a little over a year ago, in the summer of 2012.  At the time I didn't have a blog but I wrote this reflection and I've been waiting for a good time to post it.--

I was about 10 minutes into my 25-minute drive home when my car became very difficult to drive.  I couldn't accelerate, so I pulled over and called my mom to pick me up.  It turned out the car needed coolant, so we got some, put it in, and I drove home.  The 25-minute trip had turned into 2 hours.  I got home, hot and tired, and bickered with my mom and sister about my incessant mess.  I tried to figure out how to squeeze all my planned afternoon activities into the evening.  Finally, very frustrated, I went into my room to do devotions, all ready to vent it all to God.

But I then I realized, I have it so good.  Instead of complaining about all the little things that made my afternoon turn grumpy, I thanked God for all the good things in my life.  I have a car--with AC--and I have money to buy gas.  I have an amazing family who loves me.  I have a house that is safe and secure.  I'm able to attend a (really really great) private school.  I'm healthy, and have easily accessible medical care whenever I need it.  I have an endless supply of clean water and food.  Wow, what a privileged life I lead!  And most of all, I have the God of the universe taking care of me, always faithful!  I have no right to be grumpy or unthankful.

Now I'm not saying that you should never be frustrated or angry, but don't let the little things in life bog you down!  When I think about the people I met in Ghana last summer (2011), how little they had (my life is an absolute luxury!) but how happy they were despite that, it really puts things into perspective.  My problems are so trivial!  Now I understand what God means when He says "A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control." (Proverbs 29:11)  What good would it have done had I reiterated all my problems to God?  Nothing.  The problems in the past would still be in the past, and the ones in the present would still need to be solved.  I would have ended up even more frustrated than before.

Thankfulness is so important!  Not only does it help us get perspective, it is one of God's commands to Christians.  There's even a whole Psalm just about giving thanks (Psalm 100).  1 Thessalonians says to "give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus."

Oh God be my everything, be my delight.  Be, Jesus, my glory, my soul satisfied.

Beautiful Guat

We no longer have wifi at our house, which I really like--but unfortunately it makes it difficult to post on my blog.  The last week consisted of some very intense verb-learning and concluded with a group trip to Guatemala City.  I will post a more introspective post soon, but I haven't had the chance to write one as of yet because I always feel rushed with limited wifi.  But for now...

Here are some more pictures! :)

Our house doesn't have any flowers, but they aren't too hard to find if you look around town.  I love the exotic colorful blooms.  Here's one at La Union, our Spanish school.

Some kind of flower at Azotea Coffee Plantation.  This one is actually pretty common around Guatemala.

The aftermath of walking home in a torrential downpour and making the decision to use my raincoat to protect my non-waterproof computer.  I love the rain, but my computer--not so much.  It survived mostly dry but needless to say I now put my computer in a plastic bag whenever I go anywhere in the afternoon.

One of the volcanoes near Antigua.  We have lots of mountains at home in Oregon but it's crazy to live so close to one (and an active volcano, no less!).

We went to a very large indoor market in Guatemala City and I could not get over how beautiful the produce was.  Tons of colors and different types of fruits and vegetables, open bags full of beans, seeds, rice, and dried things, and more.  It was incredible.  And I thought France had sweet markets.

Palabras

I am sitting on my bed studying random vocab palabras (words) for an oral test tomorrow, and it occurred to me how incredibly strange it must sound to my host family to hear me practicing.

It would be so weird to be sitting in my kitchen at home hearing a foreign student drilling out loud, "Cabbage. Carrot. Inside. Outside. Amazing. Boiled plantains. Watermelon. Town."

Tambien (also), the four of us roommates speak Spanish all the time with each other and with our host family, which is awesome, but our Spanish, while usually comprehensible, is full of mistakes, incorrectly conjugated verbs, and bizarre words that are either attempts at guessing a new word (though sometimes adding -amente or -ivo does make a Spanish word from an English one) or a poor recollection of one previously learned.

I am so thankful that we are able (and willing!) to speak Spanish so much and that our host family and nearly every person we interact with is willing to endure and kindly correct our broken sentences and wrong conjugations.  I don't know if it's because I've grown up since the last time I traveled to a country with a different language, or because of the friendliness of the Guatemalans, or some other reason entirely (probably a combination of all), but I am completely okay with trying my best to speak in Spanish, no matter how many mistakes I make.

Friends, if you ever decide to learn a new language, here's my advice.  Study it a little on your own or in a class, then go to a country where they speak your language of choice, and speak it.  Don't be embarrassed, just do it!  I am learning SO much!  This is the best.  After my tutoring sessions I sometimes feel like I don't know how to speak any language because my brain is overflowing with new words and conjugations (después mi lección hoy, tuve dolor de cerebro).  But it's great because that also means that Spanish words and phrases are constantly floating about en mi cabeza (head) and they'll stick that much faster.

A couple great things about living with sweet little Guatemalan niños: It is the cutest thing ever when Steven or Kenneth (ages 5 and 8) come into my room and say "Hola, chica!"  I love being called chica.  And yesterday, I learned how to play Hide and Seek en español, aka "Listo o no, allá voy!"  So great.  And I got to practice my counting.

Oh also, I wanted to let you all know that if you wanted to send me a letter or package or anything, I'm sorry but that won't be a possibility (unless you want to pay $45 for one letter.... ahahaha good one, right?).  For real though, apparently mail is pretty unreliable here and the only way to send something with assurance of delivery is very expensive.  So, feel free to comment here (I would love to see who's reading my ramblings!) or shoot me an email or fb message :)

Fotos de Antigua!

Finally I have pictures of Guatemala for you!  Well I guess it really hasn't been that long--it seems like we've been here a week or two already.  Either way, here they are. :)

The roommates!  L to R: Heather, Sage, Alley, and me!  It is a pretty sweet group of girls and I am SO glad I get to live with them all semester :)

This is the inside of our house!  The cement front wall (that I was standing by when I took the picture) has a wide wooden door that opens right into this courtyard.  The kitchen and bathroom are to the left.  I love how the whole house is completely oriented around the outdoor courtyard.

My room!  Alley's bed is on the left.  There's a lone lightbulb in the middle of the ceiling but we don't use it much.  Alley and I are trying to figure out how to cleverly live out of our suitcases for the next 3 months without just keeping everything in one messy disorganized slop pile (which is what my suitcase and bed look like right now). 

This is the view down our street!  It was cloudy at the time of the picture because it was afternoon, and in the rainy season the clouds cover the sky every afternoon and rain ensues for a little while.

All of the meals we've had so far have been delicious.  This was our first dinner.  Potato salad, scrambled eggs with green beans and tomatoes, and black beans (the chocolate-y looking blob).  Apparently those slightly pureed frijoles negros are very common in Guatemala, and I'm really glad because they are DELICIOUS.

We went out to eat at a restaurant called El Tenedor, situated at the top of a mountain.  There was a big buffet and quite the view.

Black beans, plantains, black corn tortilla, chuchitos, and a cheese-filled pupusa.  Yum.

We visited a monastery and church and this is part of the garden.  Much of the garden was originally covered with stone/concrete roofs but an earthquake (or maybe more than one) caused them to collapse.

Estoy aqui!

Hola mi amigos!

I am safely in Guatemala and it is increíble.  The most amazing thing is how much Spanish I can understand.  After living and working with my Latin friends this summer, I guess I absorbed a lot more than I realized.  For the last hour of the flight to Guatemala City, I tiredly (but excitedly) studied my little book of phrases and vocab.  We walked out of the airport and were greeted by a group of very sweet and friendly Guatemalans from La Union, the Spanish school where I'll be studying.  Several of them introduced themselves and I introduced myself right back.  La Union sent a bus for all of us so we piled on, along with all the staff and family members from the school.  I sat next to a girl close to my age, and we actually had a conversation.  In Spanish.  Of course, mine was pretty broken but we understood each other and I was surprised at how much I knew.  I was also really happy to find out that I'm not embarrassed to try.  They are all so friendly and eager that I don't care how much I mess up or how awful my Spanish is.  It's so fun to speak!

Okay, this is the best part.  When we first got on the bus, 4 or 5 people from La Union got up and introduced themselves and their job, and one of the hombres explained our orientation packet.  Later, when we got to the school, un otro hombre talked for a while and explained a bunch of things about getting around Antigua and being safe and staying with our host families.  All of these talks were in Spanish, and I could actually understand the majority of what was being said.  The coolest part was the fact that I wasn't translating.  I was understanding.  I can't believe it.  Granted, I still have TONS to learn.  But I am so encouraged and excited.

Our host family is so great.  I'll talk more about them later, but for now I'll just tell you about the house.  The cobblestone streets of Antigua are lined with colorful concrete walls with large wooden or metal doors.  The police is corrupt and security is important, so the houses are behind these walls.  The walls make up one side of a central courtyard.  The bedrooms, bathroom, and kitchen are all off of the courtyard and some rooms have curtains for doors.  All of the houses in Antigua are very open-air and it's really refreshing.  Houses are not enclosed buildings like we're used to in the States.  It's hard to describe exactly what the house looks like, especially because I've been up since 3 o'clock this morning and it is now 7pm (9pm to my body).  I'm pleasantly surprised that I've gotten three coherent paragraphs written (we'll see how coherent they seem in the morning)..

I will post pictures soon.  Our host family has wifi but it's not really fast enough for photos (I'm glad it's slow so it won't be a time-wasting temptation).

In other news, there was a 6.5 magnitude earthquake a few miles out of Guatemala City.  Alley and I were sitting on our beds when we noticed that the floor seemed to be moving.  I assumed it was just a big truck or something but then realized it was definitely an earthquake.  Nothing dramatic happened in Antigua, it was just moving back and forth, like the earthquake I remember in Oregon about ten years ago.  Either way, it was pretty exciting.  Hopefully there aren't any damaging earthquakes this year.

Oh, in case you're wondering about the weather, it was warm when we got here but not hot (unless you're squished in a bus with 20 people and luggage).  In the afternoon it started to get cool and now it's definitely sweatshirt-worthy weather.  Pretty decent.

I love it here.  I love Spanish.

My buddy

Last night I decided to calculate out how many different places I've stayed in the past couple weeks, and I discovered that by the time I get to Guatemala on Friday night I will have slept in at least 8 different places/beds/states/countries in just 16 days.  Needless to say, I'm feeling pretty unsettled with all that moving around.  It's been great to be back in Michigan and Ohio, seeing friends and doing fun summer things, but it has also been harder than I expected to deal with so much transition.  I was also surprised at the feelings of post-camp blues that didn't show up until I returned to school--my home, with my good friends.  Apparently it's a common phenomenon, as I learned from my wise roommate, who's a camp counselor veteran.  As nice as it was to see all my old friends whose reunions I'd been looking forward to all summer, I also found myself feeling quite nostalgic and sad for the friends that I'd spent my summer living with and growing close to at Cannon Beach.

Today was freshman move-in day at school, and I was glad to be a part of it--but my heart wasn't fully there because I'm not a student leader this year (as I won't be here in the fall) and because of the emotions that seem to have taken hold of my brain.  Tonight I sit in the apartment that I will share next spring when I come back, listening to the freshmen and their upperclassman peer advisers get to know each other and play games outside, and part of me wants to join in the fun and visit my friends on campus who I won't see all semester.  I'm torn between seeing my friends, and taking advantage of the solitude I have tonight--it may be the last in a while.  But my introvert is showing big-time, and I am content to sit in the living room and mull over my thoughts.

Every time Guatemala comes up in a conversation, people always ask me if I'm ready.  I never know what to say to that.  Yes, I'm ready in the sense that my bags are packed, debit card is protected, and plane ticket booked.  But it's going to require trust and faith for this new journey.  I'm still very excited for Guatemala, but to be perfectly honest I'm a little apprehensive right now.  I hate admitting that, but it's the truth.  I'm not afraid of learning a new culture and meeting lots of people, or working hard to learn Spanish and sometimes making a fool of myself trying, or even getting sick.  But I'm still feeling a little overwhelmed.  I love change and new things, but these past couple of weeks have proved to be a bit much.  After all the moving around, repacking and reorganizing and reuniting (and saying goodbye), I am very ready to settle.  And I won't be able to settle for a while because I'm starting a new unfamiliar adventure in just two days.

Now is a time when I'm very grateful for the constancy of God.  Whenever I give my testimony, I talk about how I learned while in Ghana that God wants to be my buddy.  In Proverbs it says that Jesus is the friend that sticks closer than a brother, and that means a lot to me.  Going to school so far away from home means that I have most of my friends in Michigan and all my family on the West coast, and there's always lots of transitions and moving--so I really appreciate that God is always with me, no matter where I am or who I'm with.  When I struggle with something and I don't have a friend to talk to, God wants to listen and help.  His faithfulness and guidance is so much better than even the most amazing friend can provide.

I will keep relying on His strength as I embark on my Guatemala adventure.  I know it will be beautiful, and fun, and stretching.  Relationships will be formed and grown, and languages will be learned.  Even though I feel unsettled now, I know that I will have a blast and this semester will be incredible.

I am so glad that my Jesus is coming along.