My first Love

I'm kind of bummed that I've only posted once this semester so far because it has been SUCH a good one.  I have been journaling, so hopefully, maybe someday, I will catch my blog up on the things that have made this semester just so great.  But to summarize, I've been prioritizing my time a lot better, staying on top of classes (and thus avoiding stress), sleeping enough, investing in the relationships that are important, turning acquaintances with wonderful people into real friendships, cooking up a storm, enjoying solitary apartment living, and being thrifty with no limits (last week I patched up my falling-apart-boots with foil, pieces of plastic packaging, superglue, and waterproof spray. bam.).

I had to start with that because this week has been one of the more challenging ones.  All of the end of the year deadlines are starting to loom, and though I've started some of the projects already, there's a lot to do.  Biochem has definitely been my favorite class this semester.  It's certainly my hardest and most time-consuming, but it is fascinating and applicable and brings together all my scientific knowledge gained thus far and relates it to the biology of life.  I love it.  But because I've been working so hard to stay on top of biochem, I've literally been going nonstop.  Every day, every weekend, reading and studying.  This week I started to feel burnout, something I've never experienced before because usually I go in waves from drowning to swimming to treading water to drowning (wow, the waves thing worked out unexpectedly well with that analogy haha).  Because I've been plowing through so steadily, out of the blue I just really needed a break and I temporarily lost all desire to study.  (This is what I was memorizing, which didn't help the motivation level much.)

Last night I was all set to get a good couple hours of studying and then set up my Christmas tree, since the first snow of the season happened yesterday (WOOHOO!).  But instead I found myself succumbing to self-pity and I just did not want to study anymore.  However, I also didn't want to complain because I knew that wouldn't help anything, so after consulting my wise friend, I came home, listened to some Jesus music (Rend Collective) and went to bed.  This morning I woke up in a cold and disinterested mood.  I was getting close to just embracing it and telling my friends how much biochem was sucking my joy, but I knew that that wasn't the right thing to do for someone who claims to depend on Jesus.  I desperately turned Rend Collective back on, and God got me.  When God speaks to me, it's almost always through music, and Rend is His current venue.  Here's a part of the song Simplicity:

Lord strip it all away
'Til only You remain
I'm coming back
To my first love
Only You

You're the reason I sing
The reason I sing
Yes my heart will sing
How I love You
And forever I'll sing
Forever I'll sing
Yes my heart will sing
How I love You

How I love You
My first love

The Lord reminded me once again that my joy and my attitude cannot depend on my current situation in life, because those are not reliable.  But He is.

 Then I left for class and was struck by the beauty and purity of the frozen white swirling through the air.   Normally when I see snow all I can think about how soon Christmas is but today it simply demonstrated to me God's peace and sovereignty.

I love my front yard.

Come visit me and you can see this cute doorstep in real life! It'll have snow for months and months, don't worry.

There's no denying it, this upcoming week and a half before Thanksgiving break are going to be insane.  I have several major papers to write and projects to do, a labor-intensive take-home test in biochem, exams to study for, and meetings to schedule.  I'm sure I will have my moments of frustration and apathy.  But as I plunge in, I am choosing to channel the eustress into determination and drive.  Hopefully this will be one of my most productive weekends yet, and will be indicative of the success of the following week.

And I will remember my first Love.