Guest post: Little choices

My beloved and wise roommate-for-two-years Steph came over today to eat chili and hang out, and while I finished lunch she read my three January posts and wrote a response, since she’s sick and isn’t talking today.  She always has good insight and is wonderful at articulating her thoughts in writing, so when I read these paragraphs, I knew I wanted them to comprise my first guest post.  Enjoy :)

“‘Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.’  I need to say no to all of those things I choose to do instead of spending time with God.”

I really enjoyed reading these posts. That is the perfect verse to describe how often we need to ignore our personal feelings and preferences and choose to do what we believe God would want us to based on His Word and what we know of His character. Occasionally we WILL feel like picking up our cross, because we are on the mountaintop and see clearly how much we want to love God and serve Him. But most of the time, we will not want to. We will want to do something else. We need to learn to make choices to obey not based on our feelings, but based on what we KNOW to be true even if we don’t feel it.

I always used to tell me campers (haha - my - but I’ll leave it in pirate speak) that our one choice to follow Jesus with our lives needs to be followed up with a million little choices. Our one choice begins the journey, but we will continually have to make choices for the rest of our lives to stay on that track towards God. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak. So we cry out to the Holy Spirit daily for help, and ask for forgiveness when we fail. As Paul in Philippians 3 reminds us, we have not already obtained this at arrived at our goal - but we PRESS ON to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of us. Pressing on is not passive or easy.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about discipline, and the external things we do to serve God (going to church, reading our Bibles, praying, etc.). These things do not save us or even contribute to our salvation at all - our HEART is what God is after. But those things are still important tools to keep us on the right track. As Prof. Brent Cline helpfully quotes some other guy he once knew, “We do these things because we love God and so that we will love God.” Doing those things does not save us, does not make God prouder of us than He already is, does not make us a good person, does not make us a good Christian. BUT those things are what can help keep our heart in tune with Him.

Being a Christian is HARD

My three posts for the month of January all go together.  For the sake of my readers, I just couldn't cram everything into one post, but I would love it if you read them all (they're not too long, I promise).  Start here: All things new, then Why follow?, then you can read this one :)

I'm not one to shy away from talking about hard things on my blog.  But usually I try and wait until God begins to teach me through my challenges, or gives me hope, or brings some kind of redemption, so that my posts can be an encouragement to my readers.  Today, I'm not going to wait for resolution because I've been struggling for a long time and I don't think it's going to end soon.

It is SO HARD for me to maintain a faithful relationship with God because He is not something that I can easily feel, see, or hear.  I know that I want to follow Him--I live in freedom only because of His grace, and I live at all only because He chose to give me breath.  Yet every day is a struggle of the will--my desire to follow him competing with my nature's desire to satisfy my want (not need) for instant gratification.  I wake up, and know that I need to give God time.  I want to pray, and worship, and read His word to get to know Him more.  I want to hear His heart and know His wisdom.  As the morning passes, and I putter around my kitchen, work on homework, listen to music, browse Instagram, and put away laundry.  I put God off.  I know from experience that if I don't give Him time in the morning, my chances of having quiet time with my Creator decrease exponentially.  Sometimes, especially on Sunday mornings for a few hours before church, I intentionally have a Sabbath and it is always refreshing to make Him the focus of my morning.  But I hate to admit that more often than not, I consciously choose to do other things.

And then, I wonder: Why do I not feel God's presence?  Why isn't He revealing his wisdom to me?  Why do I feel like I'm talking to an empty room?

Really though, the answer is obvious. I'm not giving Him a chance!

God created me for relationship and He wants nothing more than for me to respond to Him.  He wants me to feel His physical presence that defies natural law, and be filled with His fullness.  He wants to reveal His wisdom and give me guidance.  He wants me to be assured that when I pray, He is listening in real time.  But He's not going to force Himself on me.  If I don't take the time and make the effort to fully remove myself from distractions and pray, or read His living word, or sit quietly to let Him speak to me, humble me, and fulfill me, nothing is going to change.

I've counted the cost.  I know what I committed to many years ago when I chose to follow Christ.  I have no doubt that He deserves me and I deserve nothing, though He chooses to fulfill my deepest desires if only I surrender to Him.

I have a lot of unknowns in my life and while I'm thankful for the peace that comes along with a short-term plan after graduation, there are a lot of things I need to figure out for the future.  I need God now more than ever.  But being a Christian is HARD.

You know what?  God just spoke to me, just now, with a verse I've heard a thousand times but never hit home for me.  I now fully, personally understand what Jesus meant when He said, "Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me."  I need to say no to all of those things I choose to do instead of spending time with God.

I must deny myself, my desires, and say yes to God.  That's what it really means to be a follower of Christ.  It is not going to be easy.  It is going to be (and already has been) a lifelong journey.  It takes time and effort to establish the discipline of truly making God priority.  But the Holy Spirit gives me hope, as well as my fellow believers who are there to keep me accountable.  This is the public declaration of the commitment I expressed when I got baptized.  Praise God.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go spend some time with Him. :)

Why follow?

My three posts for the month of January all go together.  For the sake of my readers, I just couldn't cram everything into one post, but I would love it if you read them all (they're not too long, I promise).  Start here: All things new, then this one, then Being a Christian is HARD :)

During the week leading up to my baptism, I was spiritually attacked.  I started questioning everything I believe in and wondered if I even need to be a Christian.  I didn't stop believing in God or the truth of the Bible, but I asked myself why I even follow Him.  When I am busy or on vacation I hardly spend any time with God and I feel fine.  Lots of unbelievers somehow manage to make decisions and raise families and resolve arguments and be happy and help others without believing in God.  I knew I wanted to go to heaven, but for a few days I couldn't think of any other reason why I should be a Christian--and I didn't want it to be for a selfish reason.

I asked myself, why should I follow God?  Why should I give Him my time and my thoughts?  Life would be so much simpler if it was just about me.

One night I was lying in bed and I literally felt and heard the devil speak into my ear.  I can't remember what he said but the experience was pretty unnerving.  I spoke aloud to banish him from my room by the power of the Holy Spirit, read some praise Psalms (nothing drives Satan away like worshiping God), and listened to music until I fell asleep.

I thought and prayed about these questions and thoughts all week.  I knew they were important questions to think about.  The choice to be a Christian should not be made lightly.  Jesus tells us to consider the cost and really weigh the decision to follow Him.  However, I was kind of frustrated that in the days leading up to the public expression of my commitment and surrender to God, I was doubting whether I even wanted to follow Him at all.

I had to write my testimony for the pastor to read, and I felt like a fraud, writing all these meaningful things that Jesus taught me while simultaneously reconsidering my commitment.  But as I compiled thoughts and read through my past posts and faith statements, I started to remember why I choose a relationship with God.

He is the only thing that is constant and unchanging. His presence and love don't falter.

His power is the only way I can deeply, selflessly serve others.

He created me. If it weren't for God, I would not exist.  Each day is a gift from Him--permission to keep living and inspiration to keep loving.
He forgave me. He knew long before I was born that I was going to sin, choosing other things over Him. But He still gave me the incredible gift of forgiveness, and all I had to do was accept--and follow.

I love life.  I'm so glad I'm alive.  I wouldn't be here if He hadn't chosen to make me and give me breath, and He did that so that He could have a relationship with me.  If nothing else, I want to devote my life to God because He gave it to me.  I am so thankful that He chose to give me life.

All things new

My three posts for the month of January all go together.  For the sake of my readers, I just couldn't cram everything into one post, but I would love it if you read them all (they're not too long, I promise).  Start here, then Why follow?, then Being a Christian is HARD :)

Happy 2015! It's crazy to think of all the big things that will happen this year.

I will graduate from college.
My sister will graduate from high school and start college (WHAT.)
I will apply to PA school (also WHAT.)
I will say goodbye to Michigan for the last time.
I will apply for a real adult job.
(just to name a few)

And, something big has already happened this year: I got baptized!!

I've been a Christian for pretty much my whole life but I had never been baptized. The past few years Jesus has been teaching me many things and showing me all the ways that my human nature threatens to take control of my life and push Him out.  I try to surrender and give Him control but it is SO hard to overcome my sinful nature just by trying really hard (actually, I think it's impossible).  That's what the Holy Spirit is for.  My theme verse for the semester has been the passage that includes Ephesians 3:16, where Paul is praying that the power of the Holy Spirit will allow Christ to dwell in the hearts of the people, in their innermost beings.  I love that!  I love that I can pray for the power of God to help me let Him in and let Him reign.  He understands how hard it is to surrender.

A month or two ago, I decided that I was done trying to surrender and done pointlessly waiting to get baptized.  Baptism is a physical, concrete surrender of my life and everything in it and offering it all to God.  And since I'm such a physical person, I needed to do a tangible act of surrender.  I called my dad and asked my sister (who also wanted to get baptized), and we decided to do it together over Christmas break.  It was really amazing to be able to make this commitment to our Lord together.  (In case you're wondering, my mom got baptized about ten-ish years ago.)  I'm hoping to get photos soon so I can post one or two for you all to see.

I'm glad that I was able to start off my new year, a year of so many changes and so many firsts, with a renewal of my commitment to Christ.