During the week leading up to my baptism, I was spiritually attacked. I started questioning everything I believe in and wondered if I even need to be a Christian. I didn't stop believing in God or the truth of the Bible, but I asked myself why I even follow Him. When I am busy or on vacation I hardly spend any time with God and I feel fine. Lots of unbelievers somehow manage to make decisions and raise families and resolve arguments and be happy and help others without believing in God. I knew I wanted to go to heaven, but for a few days I couldn't think of any other reason why I should be a Christian--and I didn't want it to be for a selfish reason.
I asked myself, why should I follow God? Why should I give Him my time and my thoughts? Life would be so much simpler if it was just about me.
One night I was lying in bed and I literally felt and heard the devil speak into my ear. I can't remember what he said but the experience was pretty unnerving. I spoke aloud to banish him from my room by the power of the Holy Spirit, read some praise Psalms (nothing drives Satan away like worshiping God), and listened to music until I fell asleep.
I thought and prayed about these questions and thoughts all week. I knew they were important questions to think about. The choice to be a Christian should not be made lightly. Jesus tells us to consider the cost and really weigh the decision to follow Him. However, I was kind of frustrated that in the days leading up to the public expression of my commitment and surrender to God, I was doubting whether I even wanted to follow Him at all.
I had to write my testimony for the pastor to read, and I felt like a fraud, writing all these meaningful things that Jesus taught me while simultaneously reconsidering my commitment. But as I compiled thoughts and read through my past posts and faith statements, I started to remember why I choose a relationship with God.
He is the only thing that is constant and unchanging. His presence and love don't falter.
His power is the only way I can deeply, selflessly serve others.
He created me. If it weren't for God, I would not exist. Each day is a gift from Him--permission to keep living and inspiration to keep loving.
He forgave me. He knew long before I was born that I was going to sin, choosing other things over Him. But He still gave me the incredible gift of forgiveness, and all I had to do was accept--and follow.
He forgave me. He knew long before I was born that I was going to sin, choosing other things over Him. But He still gave me the incredible gift of forgiveness, and all I had to do was accept--and follow.
I love life. I'm so glad I'm alive. I wouldn't be here if He hadn't chosen to make me and give me breath, and He did that so that He could have a relationship with me. If nothing else, I want to devote my life to God because He gave it to me. I am so thankful that He chose to give me life.
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