Most of you probably already know this, but I've been sick pretty much all semester. I would get a bad cold/flu thing and be out for a few days, then recover for a week or two, then get sick again. My voice has really taken a toll as well. I wouldn't really call myself a singer, but I'm in choir and in addition to the regular concerts we went on tour over spring break so having a working singing voice is pretty important. The week preceding tour I pretty much couldn't sing at all. I avoided talking, mouthed an entire concert, and struggled with a bad attitude. I had been excitedly waiting for tour all year--"why is my voice dying now?" Anyway, I'm normally a fairly sickness-free and optimistic person, and dealing with sickness and voice issues all semester on top of my classes has affected my attitude. I've been complaining more, and sometimes have a hard time thinking of anything to be thankful about.
But God came through with perspective once again! Seriously, he teaches me something in every life experience. It's kinda crazy. I want to share a story from last month because it relates to today. A few days before choir tour I was texting (okay, complaining to) my mom about my frustrations. How could I spend all year preparing so many awesome songs for tour only to go and be unable to sing them? My mom is so awesome. She replied simply saying "Where is your faith?" At first I was kind of taken aback, and then I realized she was so right! Our tour theme was the hopelessness of humanity and the grace and redemption of God--our song set consisted of eleven powerful songs that could really touch and minister to people if we were in the right mindset when performing. Who cares if I could sing? Yes, I was one of only ten altos, but it would be so much more of a witness if I was able to go into the week ready to glorify God whether I could sing or not. The week was about glorifying God so that our audiences and hosts could really see the love of God through us. Here's a snippet from my prayer journal several days before tour: "You know what? If I have a good attitude because I love you, that will bless other people more than me being able to sing. So I guess one, please heal my voice but more importantly, give me an attitude of humility and servant heart." And guess what! I learned a lesson, and God healed my voice for tour. By mid-week, I was singing all the songs and it was an amazing experience.
Now back to the present. Last Monday (one week ago) I was preparing for the upcoming week (which is beginning now) because it's a crazy one, full of tests and lab projects. I had been well for about a week or two and I was hoping that my sickness spree was done. Alas, Monday night the dreaded sore throat came out of nowhere and I was knocked out for several days. Today I'm finally feeling like I'm recovering again. This bout was a bad one. At some point mid-week, I was sitting on my couch feeling miserable and wallowing in self-pity, literally unable to think of one thing I was thankful for. Pretty pathetic. "Why can't I just have a good attitude? What is wrong with me this semester?" I asked God. All of a sudden it hit me--normally having a thankful attitude and mood is relatively easy for me, even when I should be stressed, because I depend on God. But drawn-out sickness is something I've never had to deal with before, and I was letting my attitude hinge on my health--not good! I should give thanks in all circumstances, regardless of my health status--that's God's will, yo! (1 Thessalonians 5, paraphrased. :)
Here's another journal snippet. "My good attitude of thankfulness should not be dependent on my health! Yes, it's stressful and inconvenient, but that's my life right now! No one benefits from my complaining, especially me! It is your will for me to give thanks in all circumstances!" If Paul can manage to praise God and be a witness while in freaking prison (Phil. 1), I can do it when I'm sick!
So if you were freaked out by my super long post (sorry about that, by the way...brevity is not my strong suit), here's the gist. Our attitude should not be dependent on anything in this world, because it is fleeting! Health, stuff, friendships, grades, success, you name it. Isaiah 40:8 says that the grass withers and the flowers fade--only the word of God lasts forever. In Matthew 6 Jesus tells us to store up treasures in heaven, because the things of this earth will rot and ruin. Now I'm definitely not saying that things like health and grades and relationships are not important--they are! But our joyful attitudes should stem from a knowledge of God's crazy love and faithfulness! Those things never change!
Give thanks to the Lord,
his love endures forever.
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