Trusting (is) hard

I really miss blogging! My sister often posts her recent spiritual musings as facebook statuses and her most recent one was asking for thoughts on sacrifice and what that looks like in our cushy lives. I posted two super long comments and then decided I had to write a blog post because it's been WAY too long (I missed the whole month of May!).

First, let me update. I now have a college degree. I have moved back to Oregon. I'm currently in the process of FILLING OUT MY PA SCHOOL APPLICATION. I have a couple of jobs lined up. I'm (mostly) relishing the challenge of finding new friends that don't live 2000 miles away.

And I'm trusting God so hard.

I don't think I've ever talked about my heart for foster kids and they've been on my mind a lot lately. A few years ago God began tugging at my heart for the kids in the foster care system. Our society is obsessed with having biological kids, when there are half a million kids in foster care in the United States, just waiting for someone to choose them, to love them. I don't think there's anything sinful about IVF or fertility treatments, but as a Christian, who was adopted as a daughter of the Father (Romans 8:15), I think that adoption is an incredible opportunity to love, like Jesus, the people that so many others have forgotten. Not only that, but there is a clear call in scripture to care for the orphans. It is absolutely heartbreaking how many kids live in homes where they are abused, neglected, ignored, and simply unloved--and unfortunately some of these are foster homes. I can't stand by and let this happen. I am so thankful to attend a church that is very focused on outreach to kids in the foster care system, because it provides opportunities for me to begin to learn about the kids and their lives, and start preparing for the day when God brings my first child into my life.

There is an amazing ministry called Royal Family Kids Camp, run by local churches all over the country and even some international locations, that allows for kids in the county to go to camp for a week and be noticed, loved, listened to, appreciated, and celebrated. My mom has counseled for the past two years at the camp that our church does and I've been dying to go ever since she started, but it wasn't really plausible because I missed all the spring training, being in Michigan. This year, I was planning to go out for a couple evenings and help with events. Some of the events they do are a carnival with games and prizes, everybody's birthday party, and formal dinner (for which all the kids get tuxes and dresses to wear and ride around in a limo). But at the training the director mentioned that one of the counselors had to drop out and they were looking for another female to take her place so her two campers could still come.

My heart jumped a little, even though I knew that I could never do it without the training, plus I have a job and I'm house/dog-sitting. But afterwards, the director came to talk to me and after hearing my passion (and maybe he saw my eyes filling with tears during his stories) and finding out that I'm my mother's daughter (everyone knows her) he asked me if I'd consider doing it. I barely made it to the parking lot before I started bawling. He needed a decision within 24 hours, so that evening and following day were spent doing lots of praying and looking into details. As it turned out, another person had said she could go, which was great because I hadn't yet gotten a clear answer from God yet, and my prayer was that He would fill the spot with the exact person that the two little girls needed, whether or not it was me.

To make a long story short, I eventually ended up getting everything worked out on my end so I could go for the whole week and help, but it turned out that they were set for staff. Even though God seemed to be opening all the doors for me to go, in the end, He had other plans. I'm still going to go out for three days to work the special events, and that will be great. But even though I'm a little disappointed I can't spend the whole week at camp, I trust that God has something else in mind. And through it all, I was reminded of how crucial it is to constantly be in the Word, seeking Him, and consciously allowing the Holy Spirit to come in and take control of my mind and life. Even when--especially when--nothing "exciting" is on the horizon. Because if I know Him and recognize His voice (which only comes after much time spent together), when big decisions or hardships or joys come, I will see Him and know Him, and He can reveal His will and character to me that much more easily.

I'm in a stage in my life where the only thing that is for sure is my Jesus. I had to trust Him as I waited for God to reveal an answer about Royal Family. I have to trust Him as I prepare to spend time with those kids, so that I can simply love them and have the right words to make them feel absolutely valued. I have to trust Him as I put together my essay for PA school, which is my ticket to an interview--a lot is riding on those 5000 characters. I have to trust Him as I wait for my future man, and look forward to the day when we can adopt our first child (or set of children). I have to trust Him as I seek out new service opportunities and new friends. It's weird and hard (some days more than others) to be in a place that's so familiar, but without any close friends. But you know what? The thing that really matters, every day, no matter where I am, is that I choose God, one hundred percent. He WILL use me to accomplish His purposes, as long as I am fully committed to Him, seeking His will, and actively glorifying Him so that more may find the grace and truth of the gospel.

Love so amazing, so divine, DEMANDS my soul, my life, my all.
Lord help me to trust.