Okay I'm going to be vulnerable here. Sometimes, I just feel like I'm failing in so many important things because I can't invest and commit one hundred percent to everything that I want to. Yes, I get good grades, but I would learn more if I took half the credits and had time to really spend time learning the material and reading extra stuff about it. Sure, I have meal dates with friends for probably at least half of my meals, but I hardly ever hang out with people because I'm always studying. Yeah, I get adequate sleep, but I could definitely use some more 8 hour nights. And I pray all the time, but it is SO hard to get in regular devotions with just me and God. As a college student, balance is a huge thing that I am working on learning. There are so many things pulling me in every different direction and I honestly don't think it's possible to fully invest in everything that I could. Where do I draw the line? After God, how do I prioritize? Everything is important for a different reason and it is frustrating sometimes to try and figure out how to balance it all. God has been giving me a lot of humble pie the last month (which is an answer to prayer--but hard to learn!) and I've been realizing what a failure I am without him!
Don't worry, I'm not depressed or anything. :) I am still full of joy and life, but my humanness is becoming more and more apparent and there are just SO many reasons I need to depend on God because life just has stuff that I can't figure out. God promises to carry me through the times when I feel overwhelmed or weak. He is my refuge and my strength. Man, I don't know what I'd do without him. Today one of my friends was frustrated with a class and acting really testy and upset. It made me sad to see him in such a bad mood, but he's not a Christian and it broke my heart to think that he didn't have any hope. Even when I'm having a bad day or something deeply upsets me, I still remember that God has control over the situation, even if it's really hard. Life without God doesn't have much of a point, at least not one that I can see. Not to say that nonbelievers don't do good things--there are many amazing philanthropists and selfless people who love and serve other people, but I just can't imagine a life without God as a purpose for living, serving, and loving. I don't know how I could go about making life decisions like when to date or who to marry or where to go to grad school without God to guide my steps and my pursuits.
God, I really need you.
Help me to fix my eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. My momentary troubles are achieving an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. (2 Cor 4:16-18)
God is so good. So faithful.
Even through my frustrations and my failures, I am thankful.
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