Choosing to trust

I've been going through a period of spiritual dryness recently, and it's been weird.  Of course I've felt spiritually dry before, but the last time I can remember a period as long as this was before I really knew what it was like to live intimately with God.  In Guatemala I formed good habits (and had lots of free time) and God and I had some good fellowship.  But once I got home it was easy to fall back into old patterns, and coming to school I guess I just didn't have the motivation to commit myself to daily tent time.  (Sidenote: In my family we call devotions tent time, because Moses went into his tent in Exodus 33 to be with God.)  It's been frustrating because I missed the spiritual intimacy but didn't have the desire to make time for the One who gives me time in the first place.  Also, I know this sounds horrible, but I had grown tired of reading the Bible.  I don't even want to admit that, but I am for the sake of you readers so that you can know you're not the only ones.  I have always LOVED God's Word, and I know I'll get back to that place eventually.  Right now I'm reading Acts and soon Romans, and re-memorizing Romans 8.  My roommate and I are praying for each other spiritually, and we're praying for me that God will ignite in me a deep hunger for His word.


I sure long for Him now, which is a welcome change after feeling distant and unmotivated.  This week has been a good one in helping me long for Jesus again.  The reason this particular week has been good is because I have decided to give my worries to God.  Ever since I got back from Guat, I've had random symptoms that keep changing and multiplying and lessening and being the pre-med nerd that I am, I've let my imagination get carried away with self-diagnosis.  (Medical student syndrome is a real thing, I'm not making this up.)  In the process, I had gotten completely consumed with worry--which leaves no room for God.  I was letting Satan have control, and he was more than happy to oblige.  I decided to stop this nonsense and spend some real time with God a couple days ago, and he started working on my heart.  I also called my mom (who is great at speaking truth into my life!) and she helped bring me out of the clouds and into reality.

This was her main point:  Live NOW.

Jesus tells us not to worry about tomorrow--He's got it under control!  And when He tells us how to pray, He says we should ask for our daily bread--only what we need for the day.  God was not happy when he told the Israelites not to save manna for the next day, and they didn't trust Him.  They saved manna anyway, and it spoiled.  There are so many more verses that emphasize the importance of living in the present and not in the future.  Of course it's important to think about the future, but we shouldn't dwell on it--and certainly not worry about it.  We don't know, and can't know what to expect to happen.  But we can expect one thing in the future for sure:  Jesus will be the same, and will walk with us through whatever may happen.
Anyway, after I remembered all of these things, I decided to TRUST God with my health and everything else.  His plans are bigger than mine.  I'm not afraid of dying, honestly I'm more afraid of messing up my plans of graduating next spring (and being sick may interfere).  But 1. I'm probably not sick and 2. even if I am, GOD IS BIGGER.

He will be with me through anything, and I have faith that every trial and joy in my life serves a purpose, and can ultimately be used to bring glory to God.

I am choosing to trust God.  I believe in His peace that transcends (and I've experienced it!) and His constant companionship.  All He asks for in return is faithfulness.  So far it's only been a few days, but the amount of worrying has drastically decreased.  Trusting God is not easy, but it's what He wants--and it makes so much sense because He knows SO much more!  When I choose to trust God and resist Satan, the devil flees (James 4).

I am choosing to trust.

PS: BibleGateway.com has free online audio Bibles and it is awesome!!  Listening to the dramatized versions is still straight scripture but brings so much life to the stories!  Seriously, try it out.