This week has been crazy. I found out yesterday that I didn’t (99% sure) get into PA school this year, and that I didn’t get what I thought was my dream job—and I couldn’t be happier! God has absolutely blown me away with His faithfulness. He has answered my prayers so clearly and tangibly.
*I’ve split this post to make it more readable, so to continue the story click the link at the bottom*
As I’ve said in previous blog posts, this summer has been challenging for me. I’ve relished all the time with my family and finally being able to make Portland my home as an adult after only brief excursions and endless laudations on my part these last four years. I have enjoyed going to events and meeting a miscellany of people in a variety of places. But while my bold and determined personality is great for striking up conversations and landing job interviews, it makes it very difficult for me to be patient and relinquish control. I left nearly all of my close friends in Michigan (or Colorado) and I’ve been doing all I can to meet people here but it takes time for deep friendships to develop—and patience does not come naturally to me.
I have spent the last month and a half applying for jobs and waiting to hear back from Boston University PA program, and all of the unknowns kept building and the frustration kept mounting. I needed a job. I longed for friends. I wanted to be in school. I wanted to take the next step towards being a PA.
I prayed that God would help me be patient. That He would help me to really, fully trust. Honestly, I was afraid to trust Him completely because that meant that I would have to give up control—even though I really didn’t have control over anything in my life as it was.
Praying for God to change you is hard. Not only because it’s scary and nerve-wracking to let Him have access to you that deeply, but also because sometimes He waits a long time to respond. That is when the growth happens. God taught me several years ago to trust Him with the big picture of my life, and I really do. But then He reveals areas of my life that aren’t fully surrendered to Him, like when my joy faltered when my health failed me or when I realized that I was afraid to trust Him all the way.
At church we’re doing a sermon series on emotional health, and a couple weeks ago the pastor talked about the verse in Romans that says we are not slaves to fear, but children of God. Romans 8 is one of my favorite passages and God has taught me from it many times, and this verse all of a sudden had new meaning to me.
As a human, I AM a slave to fear. But as an adopted child redeemed by the Spirit, I am a slave no longer. That week I nervously made the decision to overcome fear in the power of the Holy Spirit and let God teach me to trust him fully. And you know what, friends? HE DID. Of course, the process of learning to trust is lifelong and by no means am I done, but I have experienced a major change. I really do trust Him so much more. I know that if I faithfully seek the Lord and actively listen for Him in the midst of my job and schooling pursuits, He will give me opportunities to serve and glorify Him—even if things are hard, unknown, or unexpected.
The Lord answered my prayer so evidently. I cried out to Him to help me trust, and He replied.
He is teaching me to trust, and it is amazing.
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